“Mama, don’t put dessert in my lunch today,” my son barked from the breakfast table this morning. However, I didn’t hear the “don’t” part and instead asked him what kind of dessert he wanted in his lunch.
“Mama! I said DON’T put a dessert! Hello?? Earth to Mama...”
When your five-year old quotes you to yourself using the euphemism you came up with for “Duh” you know it’s time to step up your game.
“Well, EX-cu-ooh-oohze meeee!” my hands waving back and forth, the way I remembered it.
However, because your son is five and has never heard of Steve Martin or his stand up routine from 1974, this may not be the right response to your child while he looks at you like you are the world's unfunniest mother.
“Listen, Steve Martin was and still is a very funny guy, a wild and KAH-razy guy, who even knows how to play the banjo and…. All right, forget it, but someday you will come to appreciate Mr. Steve Martin!”
“Uh, okay, Mama… so, anyway, NO dessert.”
“Señor Belinki, are you a wild and KAH-razy guy today? Why don’t you want dessert?”
“The teachers say I don’t have enough time!”
“Huh? Okay… but, how come you don't listen to me when I say there’s not enough time for dessert?”
“Because you’re NOT my teacher, you’re my Mama… Hello??”
I am now carefully plotting my next comeback line, busily thinking up new euphemisms for Smartass.
So far, all I’ve got is, “Hello?? Earth to Steve Martin...” Rodger THAT, my Señor.